Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
