i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
