Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
