remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
