I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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