3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
