Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
