and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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