she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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