Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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