Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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