You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
