need another drink. this is the easiest way
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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