Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize