Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
