The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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