If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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