I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Small penises have feelings too.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
