I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize