How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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