wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Randomize
