Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
