Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
