I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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