God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
