you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
