He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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