this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize