if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
