in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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