I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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