now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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