It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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