i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i think i just lost a toe
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize