I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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