If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize