My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
