I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
