she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
