how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
