Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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