people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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