Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
