She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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