either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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