So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
