I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
