he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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