I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
