so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
