Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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