In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
