Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
