I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize