Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
