My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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