i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
