did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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