I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize