i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
