what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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