Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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