Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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