Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
as a side note pls kill me
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