the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
