So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are we still banned from the library?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
