Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
