I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
