I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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