So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your dad touched me again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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