Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
