I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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