TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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