Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize